MeiFon

Well, firstly, currently I am studying in Kuching and my hometown is in Sarikei. Hence, the only place I can be is in the hostel. However, I have learn that hostel life isn’t so terrible as what certain people think.

The toilets are dirty, I have to admit it but the fun we have in the hostel is worth a lot more. During the night, you can’t sleep early because you just have to catch the latest news or gossip that they are discussing next room! Who says hostel life is boring? It has been ‘enlightening’ and most enjoyable for me. Just imagine, you keep laughing from 7 pm to 10 pm. No wonder all of us are getting fat from all the laughter.

Hostel may have their own strict rules but to me and my friends, it has never stop us from having fun. Instead, due to the difficulty (or our own laziness) to go to the shopping complexes, it makes our visit there much more enjoyable. Hostel also generally means frequent trips to the cafeteria! I believe most of you out there would have scream with disgust and some might have vomited on the keyboard just by thinking about cafeteria food. But, hey, we are now talking about BLTC cafeteria food and it is anything but disgusting. It is cheap and the food is ok. Unlike the few tenders I experienced several years ago, I always got stomachache after consuming their food. For this tender, never. I just can’t understand why some people still love to condemn the food. It is quite ok for me…my hostel mates think the same. Maybe those who condemn it gets used to ‘rich’ food or they are just INCONSIDERATE. Hey, we eat the food everyday, ok!! Can’t you show some respect? But some people just so lacking in respecting others and when we try to help them so that they are more likeable in the community, they said don’t even think of liberating them!!

Fine, so don’t talk about them. I’m here to talk about all my beloved hostel mates. They are Lydia, Maria, Jaime, Catherine, Priscilla, Bibiana, Olivia, Zamimah, Lenny, Anis and Fiza. And another hostel mate, Pamela. Well, I used to dislike her but now I dislike someone else a lot more than her so I guess I am starting to forgive her.

            Ok!!! Back to my hostel mates. Although sometimes there are clashes or problems, we still help each other out. For example, the coming annual dinner. I almost can’t make it because something happened. But my friends back me up and encourage me to go. Three of them offered to make up my face. My friend promised to look for the best dress for me. All of them are great…really great.  Well, I have two great friends in the hostel. We help each other a lot in the hostel. Recently, our relationship gets better and we reach another level of understanding. How? It’s a secret. But we reach an agreement that we will never talk about each other at the back. You can gossip because it’s healthy to express your feelings. But to gossip about everyone, even your good friends??? (You are sick!!) Maybe you gossip about me because you never consider me as your good friend, then maybe I should not as well. But, as I said earlier, God sent me two angels,Lydia and Maria to support me when I can’t bear the disappointment anymore. Thanks, pal. You two are the greatest. Oh yes,Lydia is my considerate roommate (I’ve ‘book’ her when we go to UKM) and Maria lives next door. But we never get bored with each other – well, maybe sometimes but then everyone needs privacy. However, we know that the three of us shared a special bonding.

They said hostel life limits our friends. Allow me to know your head for not knowing how to do simple calculation. There are 1000 plus students in the hostel. Where else can you find more friends? If you are busy meeting your friends from high schools etc, well, I think you can wait until weekends or during holiday to meet them. Why not make more friends in hostel? In the hostel, we can gather together in tv room and while watching tv, we discuss about…sth. We understand each other more. I can still remember we celebrate Olive and Lenny’s bday in the hostel. The best thing is that everyone can celebrate for them and we can save money in transport and place to hang out. The money can be used to buy more food!!! Do we have less fun than going out?? NO!! It’s the people around you that matters, ngok.  That’s why i never like to go out with her.  so stressful.  Have better stay with my hostel mates.  They are the best…hihihi..

Why do some friends give us so much “pain”? They’re supposed to bring joy into our lives but let’s be honest – some of them can be toxic.

So sieve through the friends you have and determine the ones who are genuinely rooting for you, and others who just pay lip service but are actually plotting your downfall. Decide on the ones you want to keep and those you should slowly let go off. As cold-hearted as it sounds, it’s for your own peace of mind.

A friend you should keep is someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Even if she occasionally criticizes you, she does it constructively, and you know it’s an honest assessment from someone who sincerely wants you to better yourself.

A toxic friend, on the other hand, may make you feel worthless of discontented after seeing her. This “friend” may also bring out the worst in you by making you gossip or find fault in others. She may also be too competitive, always wanting to be better than you.

So, what should you do after you’ve identified a toxic friend? Like all toxic substances, put an end to it! You could cut down on seeing her and hope she gets the message. But sometimes, the direct approach works best. Meet her face to face and explain your position as kindly and honestly as you can. Tell her the time has come for you to move away from her destructive nature as it is affecting you and turning you into something you’re not comfortable with.

Deciding that the friendship is not worth carrying on may seem brutal and cold, but sometimes, you have to think about your won emotional health. If a friend only makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s time to say goodbye to her.

The Malaysian Women’s Weekly Virginia Ironside July 2005